


is it better to speak or die? | dreamnotfound

by alphystal



Category: Video Blogging RPF, dream - Fandom, dreamteam - Fandom
Genre: Angst, DNF, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Georgewastaken, Gream - Freeform, Lust, M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Relationship, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, YouTube, dnf go brr, dreamandgeorge, dreamnotfound, dreamwastaken - Freeform, georgenotfound - Freeform, idfk, sapnap - Freeform, sorry for my hiatus !!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26856787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphystal/pseuds/alphystal
Summary: after their first meetup, george finds himself constantly lost in his memories with dream, unable to suppress his ever-growing fondness for him.yet their shared smiles and memories etched in george's mind always end in the same way: with the cold truth of reality.george knows that the only way to end his pain is to speak- to confess to dream and free himself from the weight of unspoken truth.but george has never been good with words.ORa nice, fun slowburn. ik yall are suckers for that shit___title inspired by andré aciman's "call me by your name."
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 202





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hii!  
> i haven't wrote in fucking forever and wanted to try something new so... dnf.  
> enjoy!!
> 
> *NOTE: i don't ship real people, just their personas.

did he regret it? considering the amount of pain he felt, he must have, at least a little.

despite the amount of joy that meeting dream had brought him, the ache of his absence was nearly unbearable. the pain wouldn't hit until after the first wave of bliss. he would replay the memories in his mind again and again until they lost their charm and all was left was a hollow emptiness of yearning. 

_"george..."  
_

_george felt two hands grip his shoulders. when did dream even enter his room? his instinct was to first pull away, because he felt himself melting into his hands as soon as they grazed his shoulders._

_he didn't know if dream realized how easily he gave in to dream's touch. he probably did. he was too bright not to._

_but he was tired, and he couldn't be bothered to restrain himself._

_"it's late," dream mumbled, his voice husky and tired as he squinted at the monitor. "what are you working on at 2am?"  
_

_george shrugged. "some coding. wanted to get it done before tomorrow." he tried to concentrate on the dark screen, where a bunch of letters and numbers danced before his eyes. the room was basked in warm rosy light, making staying awake exceptionally difficult._

_dream groaned, his hands still resting on george. "can't you just do it later? do you always overwork yourself like this?"_

_george shrugged. it had been a habit, ever since high school, to finish his work completely before going to bed. it helped with his anxiety as well, allowing him to relax completely when he was done. he was almost finished, anyway. just fifteen more minutes..._

_george felt dream's hands lift from his shoulders, and almost grumbled from the lack of contact before he caught himself. he heard a soft thump behind him, realizing that dream had laid down in his bed. george's heart sped up slightly._

_"what are you doing?" george asked lazily, swiveling in his chair to face dream._

_"tired," dream mumbled._

_"then go to sleep."_

_"no you."_

_dream had a sleepy smile plastered on his face. he was lying on the side of the bed george usually found himself sleeping on, his hands resting behind his head as a pillow and his elbows on either side of him. his blonde hair was tousled and messy, half shielding his eyes, which were warm with kindness but lidded in exhaustion. dream licked his bottom lip, still waiting for a response._

_for the first time, george's brain short-circuited. it usually never did- not when they were teasing one another on stream or when dream made some stupid innuendo- george always knew what to say. but it was late, and dream was so... pretty._

_george didn't know what he expected when he first saw dream. but it wasn't this. it's not like he had underestimated how dream looked after seeing him on video call, but the whole in-person thing was surreal. his tall, lean build and boyish features that george adored seemed accentuated ten times in person. too good to be true. way too good._

_"c'mere." dream's voice was significantly softer, almost at a whisper, and george did a double-take at his words. his mouth went dry._

_"what?"_

_dream rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "c'mere."_

_and so george was suddenly out of his chair and walking to his bed without even really noticing. he plopped down beside dream. dream cast a glance at george._

_"move," george grumbled, nudging dream's side softly. "you're on my side of the bed."  
_

_"no."_

_george pouted, although deep inside he didn't really care. he pushed dream against gently, to which dream nudged him back, and moved out of his lounging position so that he was actually lying down beside george._

_it was strange, being in this position. george was face to face with dream, although their faces were a good foot or so away. from here, george could see the light freckles that dotted across dream's face. they were lightly sprinkled across the bridge of his nose and cheeks, so that they were barely noticeable from afar. george had a sudden urge to kiss them, which caught him by surprise, followed by a strong wave of embarrassment. he cleared his throat._

_"can i ask a question, dream?"  
_

_"hm?" dream closed his eyes, sighing contentedly and getting comfortable._

_"why don't you show your face?"  
_

_dream eyes opened at this. george saw slight discomfort pass through dream's face and felt a pang of guilt, but didn't relent. he waited patiently as dream's mouth stayed agape for several seconds, clearly deep in thought. george had never asked dream this before, and certainly respected his decision of staying private, but this question had been plaguing his mind since they met in person a couple days ago. george couldn't think about one thing dream should be ashamed of, except for maybe his exceptionally odd taste in food (who the fuck eats black olive pizza?). but dream was the type of attractive that made it impossible for george to comprehend why he wanted to stay so anonymous._

_finally, dream began to speak, his voice soft and vulnerable. he almost sounded younger speaking like this, because of how shy his voice was, and george's heart clenched immediately. it was crazy how soft he turned for dream. fucking humiliating, he thought._

_"well, i guess it kind of started in school. i don't know... some kids would tease me or whatever." he paused for a second, thinking._

_"this girl i was dating cheated on me, and then told me it was because she couldn't stand looking at me or some dumb shit. i was pretty insecure in high school, and most of the time i just wanted to-" he scoffed- "hide? it's pretty fucking pathetic. i just wanted to start somewhere where my looks wouldn't matter. and once i started getting bigger on youtube i felt like i would let people down if they really saw me. i just feel safer without my face out there."_

_dream turned to lay on his back, his eyes no longer fixated on george. george could tell that dream was trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but dream's shifty eyes and voice immediately gave away how touchy this subject seemed to him._

_meanwhile, george was grappling for words. he couldn't believe that dream felt this way, although exhaustion and emotions were clouding his mind and preventing him from forming coherent sentences. he had never been the most eloquent anyway. so he blurted: "i.. you know people would lose their shit if they saw you right?"_

_dream glanced at george from the corner of his eye, a smirk tugging at his lips._

_"like you did?"_

_george played along, although he felt heat creeping to his cheeks from remembering their first encounter. "even more."_

_"that's hard to imagine." dream replied, feigning a pondering look. he turned back on his side, this time closer than before. george felt dream's breath on him as he leaned close, his voice low and certain._

_"are you calling me attractive, george?"_

"GEORGE!" sapnap's voice ripped through his headphones, snapping him out of his reverie. george jumped slightly in response, earning a snicker from sapnap. they had been streaming for hours, and george was bored. 

"so jumpy. what were you thinking about? you're so quiet."

"no one." george responded far too quickly. he had to hold back a curse. 

"so it was a person..." sapnap teased, swaying his head back and forth slightly as focused on his screen. "is georgie thinking about a girl... or is it dream?"

the chat went into a frenzy, and george didn't even have to look to know what they were talking about.

"sapnap, you're so annoying." 

there might have been the slightest edge of hostility in george's voice, because sap let out a small chuckle and dropped the subject, reveling about some desert temple. george clenched his jaw, praying that he didn't come across as too harsh. he couldn't even double-back now to apologize. god, he was a mess. 

_stop obsessing so fucking much,_ george told himself irritably, grinding down on his teeth. _he fucking ditched streaming with you and sapnap today, remember? and for what? a girl._


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm finally back ;)
> 
> sorry for the slow-ass update. a lot of shit has been going on recently and it's likely that my update schedule will be kinda irregular. i also don't plan to make this story super long!! probably several chapters at most. 
> 
> i talk more about george's character and struggles in this chapter and i want to note that what i write is completely fictional. 
> 
> enjoy !!

"how was the date, dream?"

dream had called late that night, and despite george's exhaustion, he and sapnap had agreed that they would wait for dream. he was still dressed up in this tacky button down which george had mercilessly made fun of earlier.

sapnap had been ecstatic when he first found out about the girl, although george had been less than thrilled. it fucked with him more than he could possibly handle, mainly because of the timing of it all. all of george's hopes- caused by all that _shit_ that happened during their meetup only weeks before- simply seemed to deteriorate with the sudden coming of the girl. but despite his disillusionment, he refused to give up hope. 

dream let a chuckle too brief for george to conclude anything from. 

"it was fine."

dream and george were both relatively shy when it came to discussing relationships, even off camera, although they both never addressed why. ever since the drama with dream's ex-girlfriend, he had been exceedingly mute and hadn't talked about anyone until the most recent girl and even then, george and sapnap had to squeeze it out of him. george, meanwhile, simply didn't have anyone to talk about, and preferred to keep his embarrassing love life out of the picture. it was only sapnap who talked freely of his love and hookups (although he had gotten awfully shy on Love or Host). 

but _fuck,_ george couldn't hold himself back.

"how far did you guys go?"

"george!" dream and sapnap exclaimed in unison. george glanced at sapnap's incredulous expression, responding with a cheeky eyebrow raise. he might have felt more embarrassment if the curiosity hadn't been eating at him all night. the question wasn't _that_ strange. friendly curiosity. 

sapnap let out a small laugh at george's nonchalance but waited for dream's response. 

dream let out a belated groan, running a hand through his hair. 

"you're so fucking nosy, george."

george smiled, humming softly. 

"we went to _dinner,"_ dream said at last. "that's it." 

"that's it?"

"yes, george. _that's it."_

george bit the inside of his cheek and smiled, not saying anything.

a couple seconds later dream broke the silence, his voice a mix between amusement and smug satisfaction. "do you know what i think, george? i think you need some action yourself. you're living your love life vicariously through others." 

this response completely caught george off guard. sapnap broke out into a fit of laughter while george's eyes widened, dumbfounded. 

"he's not wrong," sapnap choked out finally as george shot dream a glare through the screen. the texan reciprocated the cheeky eyebrow raise that george had given him a minute ago. goddamnit, he wanted to strangle them both.

"how many girlfriends have you had, george?" dream continued, his voice teasing. "one? you're twenty-three. come on. i know you got game. you got some ten thousand girls simping over you on the internet." 

flustered, george rolled his eyes, looking down to hide the embarrassment that he felt rising to his cheeks.

"why do you push every girl away?" dream beckoned, pushing even more, placing his forefinger to his lips and looking at george inquisitively. he smirked.

"was minx too dom for you?"

sapnap was still choking on laughter. 

"oh, come on, george," dream smirked, _"how are you not horny out of your mind?"_

george's head snapped up at this remark, alarmed at his sudden change of his tone. his teasing tone had gotten deeper- almost taunting. george caught eyes with dream, who was still smirking, although a mischievous glint in his eyes caused george's stomach to drop completely. george's jaw went slack. 

_f_ _uck you,_ he thought, as an unexpected surge of anger washed through him and he broke eye contact. dream knew damn well what he was doing. and he was here fucking with george's mind shamelessly while talking about a girl as if it was nothing. it was fucking evil. 

fortunately, sapnap was enjoying himself far too much to notice the emotions that were passing through them. he could still feel dream's eyes on him through the screen, waiting patiently for him to look back up so that he bore his eyes into him. george denied him the satisfaction, focusing on the game.

"aw, georgie," dream finally cooed. 

_not this condescending bullshit again._

"i'm teasing, you know that."

george's blood was still boiling. despite his erratic yelling during gaming, he had always been relatively level-headed in real life, especially as he got older. he was much more of anxious person than an angry one, and even when he got upset, it was easy to reign in. so this newfound fury caused by dream's teasing was such a surprise that he couldn't even talk in fear that he would give it away.

but what triggered george to break wasn't about dream teasing at all, he began to realize. it was layers and layers of frustration and uncertainty towards dream's mix signals, culminating during their meetup and getting worse ever sense. 

the jokes used to be lighthearted and casual, back before they met. before george had started to crave dream's attention and worship his touch. before dream realized how weak george was in his presence. 

then dream's teasing got more deliberate. his remarks were subtle jabs, and dream started using george's vulnerability and picking him apart little by little. 

"g..george?"

"it's fine," george responded coldly. 

sapnap's laughing had finally stopped and he was looking at george in silence.

"it's fine," george repeated, forcing himself to calm down. he realized how unstable he seemed- to sapnap in particular- flipping his shit from dream's light teasing, and tried to gain his composure. "let's just get back to the game, okay?"   
  


__

it turned out that george couldn't stay mad for long, because as he logged off later, he was overcome with embarrassment. he buried his head in his hands as he recalled his reaction from earlier, his cheeks flushing bright pink. 

he made his way over to the kitchen, trying to quell his mind, which was still traveling at a hundred miles an hour. lately, the familiar feeling of anxiety had started to plague him again, although he had been rather tenacious in pushing the feeling away. it didn’t change the fact, however, that the drowning feeling was back- the impending feeling of doom grabbing him by his ankles and depriving him from oxygen. 

he couldn’t really identify the cause of it, honestly. he never could. ever since he could remember it had always been looming in the back of his life. sure, it had hindered certain things in life- relationships included- but george had managed to keep it under control. he usually blamed his step-father for it, made jokes about the trauma. but he was an adult now, and he couldn’t succumb to the void the way he used to. 

he headed over to the kitchen and considered eating something, but as usual, the anxiety had pushed away his appetite and replaced it with nausea. naturally, his mind wandered to the next option. 

george had been off meds for years. when he began his gaming career, he had been absolutely thrilled, as gaming was one of the things that took his mind off things and calmed him down. he could spend his days with his friends, coding and creating content that he loved, and slowly started easing off his meds. but with the large fan base came stress and a standard to meet, and the anxiety started seeping into his life again. 

opening the medicine cabinet, he shook a 0.5mg pill of xanax into his palm. he turned it over once, then twice. 

ironic how dream used to be george’s source of his joy, _his drug_. now he couldn’t be farther from it. 

__

by the time george had gotten ready for bed, the effects had already started seeping in. he sighed comfortably as he crawled into his bed, drowsiness dragging down his eyelids. he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the feeling of floating. he felt light, carefree. 

he scrolled on twitter for a couple minutes before decided on calling it a night. he placed his phone on his nightstand and turned over his bed.

it hadn’t even been five minutes before his phone rang. 

_goddamnit._

_ring, ring._

_just go to sleep, george._

_ring, ring._

but in the corner of george’s mind came excitement at knowing that dream was calling him late at night- he hadn’t done so in a long time. he knew why dream was calling, too, but that didn’t stop him from tapping the _answer_ icon on his phone and bringing it up to his ear.

“yes, dream?”  
  


“george.” even after taking the xanax, george’s heart jumped at that voice. he hated it.  
  


“shit, did i wake you up?” dream asked, lowering his voice a little. 

“yes,” george lied. 

“oh shit, george, sorry. i’ll make it quick, then. i just wanted to apologize for earlier. i kept on thinking about it after and i realized how i crossed a line. you know… you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, okay? sorry i was acting like an asshole.” 

see, there were several problems with this response. first of all- and most urgently- the voice. dream’s voice was brimming with sincerity. the same sincerity that was in his voice when they had talked in george’s bed a month ago. the same melting kindness that enveloped george in warmth.

second of all, there was no way that what dream did earlier was unintentional. 1000 IQ dream was a dumbass, but a _calculated_ dumbass. it was simply impossible that dream had eye-fucked george _on call_ (with sapnap there!) accidentally.

but all george could focus on was the softness of dream’s voice through the phone, bringing him back to the night. 

_“are you saying that i’m attractive, george?”_

_george huffed, hyperactively aware of how close he was to dream. how long had it been since he was so close to someone? too long._

_“i’m just saying you got nothing to be shy about.”_

_dream broke into a wide grin that spread from ear to ear, and george couldn’t help but return it, drunk on giddiness. his smile was just as contagious as his laugh- maybe even more so. george felt so lucky that he had it all to himself._

_george didn’t know if he imagined dream glancing down at his lips then. he might have. the room was dark, he was tired, and it was only for a split second. but in that second, he saw dream’s walls coming down._

_and that was the moment he wanted to relive over and over again. seeing dream uncertain, his lips parted, vulnerable, was so incredibly hot._

_but the next thing he knew, dream turned away onto his back, letting out a large sigh. it all happened so quick, he really was starting to convince himself that he had fabricated everything that had ever been between them. everything. george frowned in disappointment, watching dream’s chest fall as he exhaled._

_“yeah, considering what you said, i’m still not getting any girls.” he said, voice dripping with casual discontent._

_“w.. what?” george sputtered. girls? what? his mind wasn’t functioning._ **_girls?_ **

_“you flatter me too much, george.” dream continued, giving george another smile, but it never touched his eyes. george knew that smile. his mind was already elsewhere._

_god, the hurt. don’t just leave me here, dream. don’t just leave me hanging._

_george recovered as quickly as he could, although his head was spinning and his heart ached. "just wait, dream. just wait."_

_dream let out a small laugh. george didn't bother to look at dream._

_"it’s late," george mumbled. "talk tomorrow?”_ _  
  
_

_“sure.”_

_they fell asleep in george’s bed that night, side by side. but there was no intimacy. and the next day, it was as if nothing had ever happened._

_and it went on like this for the rest of the meetup. they would go through phases of normalcy, only for dream to drop a highly suggestive innuendo or massage george's shoulders out of the blue, completely fucking with george. but he couldn't speak up about it._

_and the next thing george knew, dream was back in the states._

all this flashed through his mind yet again before he finally let himself answer dream. he wanted to make sense of it all so badly. he wanted to tell dream _it's okay, just let me know what you want. you’re driving me crazy._ but george had never been good at expressing emotions. 

“it’s fine” was all that the brunette said in reply. 

dream groaned. 

“you say this every time,” he complained, exasperated. “come on, george. talk to me. please.” 

but george couldn’t. yes, he felt like a pussy for not being able to, but it was as if there was a physical barrier in his chest preventing words from coming out. 

“i just want to see you again, dream.” george admitted at last, almost bitterly. 

there was silence on the other side of the line. 

“but… we just met.” 

“i know. i want to see you again.” the words started pouring out. 

“i mean, i- guess. i’m okay with it. it should be fine. but i-”  
  


“do you wanna see me, dream?”  
  


a brief second of silence. 

“yes, of course,” dream replied. 

“ok, good. i’ll buy tickets to see you this time.”

“george, can we talk about this? what the fuck are you… why are you acting like this?”

“it’s okay, dream. i forgive you, alright? i’m tired, it’s really late here. nearly 3. goodnight. talk tomorrow.”

“george-!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully you're enjoying so far! kudos and comments are always greatly appreciated :)
> 
> TAKE CARE MUA


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n:  
> dream pov for this chapter! i had been considering this and decided that it would be hella fun to write and also help the flow of the story. this is probably the only dream pov chapter.  
> (note that it still starts off with george's pov.)  
> \--  
> as u may have noticed, i changed the title and summary of this work (it was previously called 'after the meetup.') i started this story on a bit of a whim but i've consolidated my ideas and wanted to make the title more fitting and i also thought the previous title was boring asf. the title is indeed inspired by "call me by your name," but please do not compare this work to that one omg that work is a literary masterpiece and this is just me shitposting instead of doing schoolwork. 
> 
> thanks so much for all the kind comments btw they make my day frfr <3
> 
> enjoy !!

george had forgotten about the xanny hangover. 

he woke up to his head throbbing and a sheen layer of sweat covering his body. it always took him for a while to get accustomed to the medication, and he typically felt like shit for the first couple days. he glanced at the dreary weather outside, then at the bathroom, craving the numbness that the pill provided him. 

then he remembered why he had decided to take the pill in the first place. his heart started to speed as he remembered the events of last night-- so much, all too fast. but there was a small part of george that was glad of what he had done, despite how anxious it made him. he just needed to do something-  _ anything-  _ that would bring him out of his heartache. 

and he did. still, fear lurked in the back of his mind, maybe even more prominently than before.  _ what if, after meeting with dream for a second time, he  _ still _ couldn’t speak up?  _

he shook away the thought warily. 

as he reached for his phone on his nightstand, he caught sight of the several missed calls from dream. he unlocked his phone to read dream’s texts.

**_dream:_ **

_ george ffs pick up my calls _

_ look i’m totally cool w u coming over soon but i’m just letting u know that ive been really busy lately with work and collabs _

_ also dw u can stay at mine :)) _

george inhaled shallowly. he knew that dream was blowing up monumentally as an influencer and george shouldn’t have been surprised that he was putting his work first, yet there was a feeling at the back of his heart that irked him. he then immediately then felt guilty for feeling this way, embarrassed by his selfishness.  _ he already said you could stay at his place. _

throwing aside his comforter, george dressed and took another pill before settling down in front of his monitor, his hands flying over the keys as he looked to book a flight. 

**_george:_ **

_ is in two days too soon? ;) _

**_dream:_ **

_ no fucking way _

**_george:_ **

_ yes way _

_ for 1 week _

**_dream:_ **

_ holy shit that’s so soon _

_ but hell yeah it works for me _

george chewed his lip, holding back a smile as he booked the soonest flight to orlando without a second thought. all he could think about was dream. dream’s voice, his arms, and his unforgettable smile. 

\---

**dream’s pov**

**“** clay.”

dream whirled around in his gaming chair, one arm resting lazily on the arm of his gaming chair. he cocked an eyebrow as he looked at her, trying to hide his slight annoyance from being interrupted from his work. 

“did you finally tell them?”

clay sighed, whirling back to face his computer as he tried to focus on Java in front of him. his concentration had been shit lately. 

“i told them we went on a date.” 

camila scoffed, and dream heard her footsteps get louder as she approached. she was still wearing his oversized shirt. 

“aren’t they your best friends? i’m not mad, clay, i’m just curious. why can’t you tell them?”

dream’s grip on his mouse clenched. he couldn’t exactly understand why camily was so insistent on making things official with her. after all, when they started dating, she had agreed that they would keep it on the down low until dream felt comfortable. 

“i just don’t do relationships that much” -dream paused- “and i don’t really talk about that kinda stuff with them, too.” 

camila sighed, and dream looked up to her. she gave him a small understanding smile, the corners of her eyes creasing and her hair falling from behind her ears and covering a part of her face. 

“okay,” she responded, with a small sigh. “it’s okay. you’re right. i shouldn’t be telling you what to do.”

she probably intended to be compassionate, but to dream, her reaction was almost patronizing. it was as if she was accepting dream’s immature behavior because she knew that dream couldn’t do any better. he suppressed a jolt of annoyance. 

“by the way,” he said, forcing a smile. “george is visiting in two days for a week. surprise visit. he’s, uh, staying over.” 

cami’s eyes widened. “really? that sounds amazing- you must be so excited. you okay with me meeting him?”

dream nodded. 

camila swiped a finger against dream’s cheek affectionately, but again, it felt patronizing, and dream almost cringed.

“okay baby,” she said. “i’ll make breakfast.”

she turned and made her way towards the door. just as dream thought he had a second to himself, he heard cami’s voice near the doorway. 

“have you still been taking the adhd meds, clay?”

“no.”

“how’ve you been feeling?”

dream didn’t want to admit to his increased irritability, so he didn’t. “fine.”

“good.”

her footsteps receded.

dream frowned, burying his head in his hands. something felt so wrong about george meeting cami. it was even worse than telling george that she was sleeping with a girl that he had met at a convention a couple weeks ago. he couldn’t exactly pinpoint _why_ he couldn’t bring himself to do it, so he told himself it was just because he wasn’t ready to talk about relationships again. 

talking to george about relationships was disheartening for the both of them. not that george was awkward about it or that george didn’t care. it felt more like a chore, and dream almost felt guilty about it afterward, especially because no matter what dream said, george wouldn’t open up about himself. it was impossible for him to budge. he simply agreed with what dream said or teased him, but never talked about himself. on numerous occasions dream had wondered if george had ever been in love, but he always chickened out before he could actually ask. 

and their conversations about relationships always ended wearily. no cheeky banter that left dream with a smile on his face. 

he wouldn’t go to the extent to say these conversations caused tension between them, but it was pretty damn close to it. 

plus, dream didn’t really know what to say about camila. sure, he liked her and the sex was good. isn’t that what relationships were about, anyway?

dream’s brain was still processing what had happened last night. to be honest, he didn’t even know what to think at this point. the last few months of his life had felt like a fever dream. the alarmingly rapid pace of his career initially pleased him, but with it came stress and days which seemed to blur together. he thought cami would bring him joy and get his dad off his ass about getting a girlfriend, and it did, momentarily. but it turned out she was still quite a burden- he had to constantly worry about making her happy, about saying the right thing around her. 

god, relationships were hard. 

it was only effortless with his friends. with george. it was when he could say whatever shit he wanted, let his guard down. especially off camera. he would talk to george for hours on end for everything and nothing until his words slurred and fall asleep with a warm feeling on his chest that felt so strangely familiar. 

but now, george was only adding stress by coming over. dream’s first reaction to george’s announcement was bewilderment, then that  _ warm  _ feeling again, followed by  _ oh shit. he’s coming over. ohh shit. for real.  _

he half expected george to call him today and say that he was trolling. 

but damn, that excitement in his voice when he was booking his flight earlier had made something in dream’s stomach shift. 

he was caught up in his thoughts again. god, the side effects of going cold turkey was unbearable.

_ focus. _

he barely typed the next line of code before he decided to check twitter. 

he was responding to a couple tweets when he got a message from sapnap. 

_ nick: hey dickhead get on call with me and karl  _

_ dream: you streaming? _

_ nick: probably _

_ dream: it’s early asl _

_ nick: idk yet just get on call _

_ dream: is george there too _

_ nick: no he’s busy _

dream began fidgeting and cracking his knuckles, one of the old habits. what would he would say about george coming over just because he wanted to? it was suspicious, wasn’t it? 

george had no other explanation for coming over other than wanting to see him. dream bit his lip. 

to think of it, george  _ had  _ been acting strange lately. he seemed to be extra sensitive to his words and extra defensive to his jokes. almost jumpy. maybe his anxiety was acting up again. 

he decided he couldn’t tell sapnap- or anyone, for the matter.

_ just to keep things simple,  _ he told himself. but he had been lying to himself a lot lately. 

he basked in the idea of keeping george to himself. the thought of having george with him, but this time in secret and not to the knowledge of the entire fan base, gave him an inexplicable thrill. 

dream joined this discord call. 

“dream!!” 

dream smirked, his worries dissolving instantly. 

“hey sapnap, karl.”

“did you hear about the collab?”

“no?”

sapnap began discussing a collab opportunity that apparently they had been offered, reveling about how much clout karl had given them.

“alright dude, i’ll reach out-”

“can we talk about last night?” sapnap interrupted, his voice filled with urgency as he quickly changed the subject. 

“what happened last night?” karl asked. 

“i was with your mom, karl. i thought you would know-”

sapnap made a sound in between a scoff and a laugh. “for real, dream. what the hell was up with george?”

he knew sapnap would bring it up soon, but not  _ this  _ soon. 

“i don’t know, man. maybe bad day or something.”

“he flipped his  _ shit,  _ karl. dream was teasing him about his relationships and he lost it. we have to get him laid.”

despite all the shit dream had said about george, sapnap’s response made him recoil slightly. dream only allowed himself to say that stuff about george, because he only half meant it. or perhaps… did he even mean it at all? he just knew he loved seeing george’s cheeks flush red, his tongue swipe across his lips.

“clay, can i come in?” 

_ aw shit, aw shit. _

“dream, who the fuck was that?” sapnap demanded, his voice incredulous.

dream groaned and muted himself, quickly getting up open the door to see cami, who had prepared breakfast. he gave her a small kiss and took the food. but cami had noticed his aloofness. 

“are you okay, baby?”

dream nodded, chuckling. “they know about you now, don’t worry.”

cami’s eyes widened. “oh shit. i’m sorry. i forgot-”   
  


dream shook his head, smiling at cami’s sheepish look. “don’t worry about it, cami. you’re all good.”

cami laughed and let dream get back to the call. 

karl cleared his throat. “dream, do you care to explain yourself?” 

“not really.”

“‘just a date’  _ my ass,  _ dream. i knew you’ve been capping all along. you can fool george, but not me.” sapnap’s voice was flowing with cocky pride, and dream rolled his eyes.

“just don’t tell george, alright?”

sapnap paused, and laughed. “okay. lips sealed. you’re going to have to tell us more later though. don’t think you’re off the hook.”

“okay, can we just stream? you guys are fucking exhausting.”

“now look who wants to stream.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys 'sapnap' kept autocorrecting to 'subpoena' in this chapter asjdhksjd
> 
> i'm aware this chapter wasn't super eventful, i just wanted to establish a couple things + dream's emotions  
> next chapter is the big meetup so stayed tuned <3
> 
> if you enjoyed, leave a comment/kudos!! it'll maybe motivate me to update faster ahaha


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year!!  
> _______  
> my 2 month break makes this -kinda- awkward so i’m not going to bombard you with too much upfront. all the notes are at the end in case you don’t want to read. hope you enjoy <3

george hadn’t been so excited in a long, long time. 

in some ways, it was a childlike sort of excitement. the kind he used to get the night before christmas or a field trip as he lay awake blankly staring at the ceiling in anticipation.

but he wished it was as simple as guileless enthusiasm. just like last time, his excitement was intertwined with anxiety. that wasn’t new- the two always went hand in hand, especially with dream. 

but the uncertainty he felt the first time was gone. no more wondering what dream looked like, or whether they would get along in real life, or if dream would like him. 

it was replaced with- and perhaps more scarily- desire, which only seemed to be getting stronger. he had been able to keep it under control before, but the promise of seeing dream so soon magnified his yearning tenfold. 

the night before he allowed himself to get lost in the thoughts, to indulge in the idea of dream’s body pressed against his own, mouth hot on skin, hands tangled in hair. 

he hadn’t allowed himself to think of dream in that way before. he knew that those thoughts confirmed that he felt a certain way about dream, and how wrong they were. but as guilty as he felt afterward, he had known that he would inevitably cave in. what really scared him was that he wouldn’t be able to speak up.

he had given himself a second chance to confront his emotions again, in person. he couldn’t fuck up again. 

_even if he says no, you’ll know. you won’t have to spend the rest of your life in this tortuous realm of unknowing._

he had called his family a day prior to tell them about the surprise trip, finding himself unable to own up to his true intentions. instead, he claimed that there was something urgent dream needed help with in florida. 

his mom and sister had wished him a safe flight and bid him farewell. his step-father… well, he didn’t care. 

_don’t mind him,_ george’s mother had repeated for the umpteenth time. _he loves you. he just has a difficult time expressing it._

and as always, george played along, biting back his tongue.

he had reluctantly handed over his dog and cat to his neighbours for the following week. having to leave them back at home was probably his second greatest concern regarding the trip (behind, you know, confronting dream.) george tried to not think about their absence too much as he felt the plane start its descent. 

he closed his eyes. sighed.

he replayed their first encounter. 

he knew it would be seared into his memory forever. he had been unable to find dream for nearly half an hour, arguing on the phone with him until dream realized that he had gone to the wrong gate. 

george had started telling him off and was still in the middle of complaining when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

and there he was, in the flesh, right in front of him. with the goofiest, broadest golden-retriever smile you’ll ever see.

white-hot electricity still shot through george’s veins when he thought about it. 

when the plane finally landed, he gathered his luggage and made his way towards the exit, wondering if it really was a good idea to skip meds that day. he had told himself that he wanted to meet dream without the numbing of his pills, even if it was overwhelming. 

walking in the glass passageway from the plane to the airport, he felt the suffocating heat of florida envelop him. he squinted outside at the black asphalt of the runway, unfamiliar with the weather but not at all displeased. it was a nice break from the gloomy atmosphere of his hometown. plus, he had never been to florida before. 

he made his way through the halls of the airport, becoming increasingly unnerved as went through customs, then baggage claim. he ran a sweaty hand through his hair. 

upon arriving at the gate, he almost hoped that dream lost his way again. he had been on his toes every minute for the past couple days but now couldn’t push away the feeling that he was unprepared. 

shakily, he pulled out his phone and dialed dream’s number.

_what if he doesn’t like me the same anymore?_

dream picked up on the first ring. 

“george! are you here? how was your flight?”

george chewed on his lip, unable to suppress a grin at his voice. “just arrived. flight was fine.”

“okay, well, i’m at gate 37, near this greenish reception table. oh wait, you can’t see green.” dream laughed, but he was talking so fast that george was certain he was rambling out of nervousness. “well, it’s this reception table, and it’s… kinda big, i guess.” 

“helpful.”

george could practically hear dream smile through the phone. “hurry up. i’ve been waiting for like half an hour.”

“you got a half an hour early for me? i’m flattered.”

george was about to wait for dream’s response when he caught sight of a large green (?) table at his gate. 

“oh wait, wait. i think i see it.” he rushed towards it, his vision almost tunneling at the spike of adrenaline. he glanced around him, eyes out for dream, who should have stood out, considering his height. when he didn’t see anyone he recognized, he continued to walk forward until he was completely submerged in the crowd of people.

“george.”

george locked eyes with him. he stood only a couple feet away, his phone up to his ear and mouth open. he looked just as george remembered him- actually, more beautiful- and somehow taller. 

he wore this dark green shirt that seemed to accentuate his leanness and broadness of his shoulders that made george weak to his knees. he had on those stupid khaki shorts and sandals that he had brought to brighton his last visit, despite it being way too cold to actually wear them. on his head he wore a sports cap of a team george had only heard of. tufts of blondish brown hair peeked out from underneath the cap and encircled his face.

his face. george had always thought that it was the kindest face he’d ever seen, and looking at it now, he couldn’t be more sure of it. his eyes were a striking green, not the hazel kind, but the shade of springtime growth, vibrant and full of life. yet the perpetually amused look in his eyes was gone today, the one that always melted into a knowing smile when he met george’s eyes. the one that transcended every boundary between them. 

nonetheless, george found himself waiting for it. he found himself studying dream’s face, his breath caught in his throat, waiting for dream’s validation. 

but dream did not smile. instead, after several agonizing seconds he rushed forward, so abruptly that george wasn't even able to react. he pulled george into a tight embrace, and george felt himself breathless as he realized that he was in dream’s arms again. 

dream always smelled like florida. his shirts harbored the mix between the salt of the sea and his sweat, an earthly scent that got especially strong during the rainy season. but today that was mixed into a stronger, woodier scent. cologne. 

when george finally pulled away, he found himself strangely teary and coughed a couple times to cover it up. dream immediately caught on, breaking out in the smile that george had been waiting to see for so long he almost had to look away. 

“tearing up, george?”

one thing that baffled george as much as it pleased him was the fact that dream addressed him by his name so much, both on and off stream. it was rarely _bro_ or _dude_ like it was with sapnap, or bbh, or karl, or everyone else. it was _george this, george that_. and hearing his name tightened a knot in his stomach. 

“can you blame me?” george relented, turning to check that his luggage was still with him. 

seeing george soften, dream did as well. 

“i missed you,” dream said, his voice obscured in a shy sincerity. they were now face to face. dream had gotten tanner. his freckles had gotten darker. 

_say it back._

“yeah, i’m sure you did.” 

_god dammit._

dream scoffed, playfulness immediately replacing candidness as he started to guide george towards the exit. he didn’t seem fazed, although george’s chest filled with a knowing guilt that he had already messed up. 

he had reached out, only to pull back just as fast, like he always did. 

after weaving their way through the crowd, they finally got outside, where dream claimed he had parked his car a short walk away. the stifling heat didn’t seem to bother him, and he walked in long, casual strides, seemingly immune to the heat. meanwhile, george could already feel his skin burning and his hair becoming matted to his head. 

george secretly loved the height difference. as much shit as dream gave him for it, george was a sucker for the way his head perfectly rested on dream’s shoulder when they hugged or how dream towered over him when they were beside each other. george tried not to think too much about it as they walked. 

they chatted about the weather for a bit, then about orlando, and their plans for the week. they fell into their typical flow of conversation, one that put george at ease. one thing he noticed, however, was how dream was more restless than he remembered. not quite in a nervous way, but rather in an impatient one, often fidgeting or shifting his eyes back and forth. 

but at the same time, he didn’t really care. dream was here, and that was all that really mattered. 

they arrived at dream’s car, which, to george’s surprise, was no longer his dilapidated Audi dream had told him about. a sleek new Mercedes glimmered in the sunlight. 

george started laughing, impressed. “it’s about time. why didn’t you tell me you got a new car?” 

dream shrugged, first throwing his luggage in the trunk and then opening the passenger door for george, extending his hand obnoxiously towards the interior. “after you.”

george rolled his eyes and entered the car, which was even hotter than outside. george mumbled something about getting heat stroke and dream simply scoffed as he started to back out of the parking spot, his arm wrapping around george’s seat headrest as he looked behind him. 

george froze at the movement. it had caught him off guard, to say the least, and although dream’s arm didn’t even touch him, he tensed up. he immediately turned away from dream, embarrassed by how attractive he found such a simple and innocent movement. 

he had to calm down. he couldn’t be blushing from dream literally backing out of his parking spot. _jesus._

unfortunately, dream had noticed the sudden movement beside him, and lifted an eyebrow inquisitively. “you good?” 

george nodded quickly. “yeah. just hot.”

george was still recovering when dream had pulled onto the highway and begun talking again. 

“so my house isn’t far, probably a twenty, twenty-five minute drive at most. i’m thinking you just get settled today, and if you’re up for it, we can go out tonight. there’s a bunch of great places around here to go. but, uh, before you… before we get back, i want to tell you something.”

george finally mustered up the dignity to look at dream again, and as soon as he did, he could tell that there was something wrong. he saw dream’s grip tighten around the wheel. 

“what’s wrong?”

dream stiffened at his response, refusing to meet george’s gaze. george’s stomach dropped at his coldness, trying to ignore the anxiety grasping at him. 

“just say it, clay.”

dream turned to george then, darkness passing through his eyes.

“why did you call me that?”

“because it’s your name, is it not?” george looked at him incredulously. 

“you never call me that.”

“okay, so?” 

“it just feels weird.”

george tried not to feel offended. _i guess i can’t even call him by his real name._

“fine, _dream._ just tell me. you’re scaring me.”

dream sighed. 

“i should have told you earlier.” he paused for a second, glancing beside him quickly before continuing. “ i just didn’t really know how to bring it up. the girl i’m dating, camila- we’ve actually been together for a while now. and she’s… she’s actually staying. at my house.”

when george thought the meetup would be overwhelming, he didn’t imagine it would be overwhelming in this way. in the way that made his heart sink, his throat constrict. he tried not to move, fearing that it would reveal how hurt he felt. 

“george?”

george still didn’t move. “you’re kidding, right?”

dream visibly panicked. 

“i didn’t know you were coming so soon. your decision to visit was so- i don’t know- spontaneous, and i didn’t know how to tell you. i figured it would be better to just say it in person. i was hoping it wouldn’t bother you too much. i’m really sorry, george.”

_breath in, count to 10. breath out, count-_

“so you just weren’t going to fucking tell me? not even when i said i was coming over? you were just going to- to… to…”

dream threw up his hands, frustrated. “please, george. it’s not like your easy to talk to when it comes to relationships.”

“what the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?”

dream opened his mouth to speak, but george cut in, his anger fading quickly to disappointment. 

“it’s fine,” he choked out, hyperactively aware of the air leaving his lungs. he cleared his throat, blinked hard. “i understand if you didn’t want to say anything. it’s not that big of a deal.”

 _how could he? it wasn’t just a date. they had been_ **_living_ ** _together. how am i ever going to say anything now?_

“george-”

george flinched upon hearing his name. he was certain that dream had said his name at least a dozen times in the past couple minutes. now, it felt like dream was using it to manipulate him, as if he knew how powerful that stupid word could be.

“can we just talk about this later? i’m sorry i freaked out. i really don’t care that much. i was just surprised. if you’re happy with her, then it’s chill.”

dream looked over george again. he looked hurt, and his eyes were filled with a desperate look george had never seen before. 

dream opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. he nodded.

george took this moment to suppress his feelings, deep, deep down. he felt the pain wash through him. tried to smile. 

“tell me some good places to go around here.”

\--

george knew that dream was rich. but he was so ridiculously humble- borderline mysterious- about his success that george had no idea what to expect when it came to his house. what he didn’t expect was a los angeles-style mansion, the minimalist type: all glass and steel and concrete with large windows and a grand, foreboding gate.

upon seeing the house, george started to laugh. 

dream drove through the gates, looking at george with half confusion, half interest.

“are you laughing at my house?”

“no.”

“fuck you, you are.”

george brought his hand up to his face, trying to hide his laughter. “no, no. i’m not laughing at it. i just didn’t think you would live here. not really your style.”

dream scoffed, his eyes glimmering. “no, of course not. you probably thought i lived in some rat’s den or something.”

“i mean-”

“i haven’t forgotten what _your_ house looks like. oh wait, i mean _your apartment_.”

george glared at him. “i couldn’t even get one of these places if i wanted to. brighton doesn’t have places like this.”

“then just stay here with me.”

“with you and your girlfriend, you mean.”

george shouldn’t have brought it up. dream started to protest, and george let him, although dream’s sheepish apology and guilty look didn’t make george feel any better. 

“i’m sure she’s lovely,” george said when dream finally finished talking, although even he was aware of how half-assed it sounded. “i’m excited to meet her.”

  
  


camila was as stunning as they come. she had a tall, model-like figure and stood nearly as tall as george, with chesnut blonde hair which tumbled down her shoulders in loose, neat waves. her femininity stood out the most- her small, delicate features and large eyes reminded george of a doe.

she beamed once she saw george, rushing forward to get his belongings and giving him a warm hug. 

“it’s so nice to meet you,” she exclaimed. “clay’s told me all about you.”

_clay._

_“you never call me that.”_

_“okay, so?”_

_“it just feels weird.”_

“oh, really?” george responded politely. camila made some small talk, applauding his career and joking about dream until dream ushered george away, taking him by the arm away from the foyer and up the marble stairs.

he was led into a guest bedroom that was actually larger than his own back at home. it had a polished wooden floor and a large queen bed opposite to the desk, which, to george’s surprise, contained no computer. the room altogether had a hotel-like neatness, with rays of sunlight cascading through the ceiling-to-floor curtains and igniting the floor. 

“not bad, i guess.”

“ _not bad, i guess,”_ dream mocked, imitating his accent. “unpack, and i’ll show you the office where all the good shit is. i even have a setup for you. let me know if you need anything, okay?”

george nodded, the thought of being alone for a second filling him with relief. dream made his way to the exit, but just before he left the room, he turned to george and paused. 

the glint in his eye had returned and his lips curled into a small smirk.

“still can’t believe you’re here.”

george ignored what those words did to him, what they made him feel, even after dream left the room. he knew he was slipping back into the phase of denial that he had finally progressed from the past couple days. but could he be blamed? dream had crushed, _pulverized_ every remnant of his hope on that car ride. 

he felt silly, almost, thinking about his plan to confess to dream, for thinking that was even an option. 

he was almost done unpacking when he heard a soft mewl from behind him. a small brown and white cat had slunk into his room. 

“patches!”

hearing her name, patches starting walking directly towards george, curling around his leg. george grinned and gingerly brought her up onto the bed. 

patches started to purr as george ran his hand through her soft fur. george realized, as patches gazed up towards him, that her large green eyes somewhat resembled dream’s.

“looks like she likes you.”

george looked up to dream leaning at the doorway. he had taken off his cap, and was mindlessly running a hand through his hair. there was some type of shrouded awe in dream’s eyes as he looked at george with patches. george looked away.

“do you want to go out? it’ll be just the two of us. and again, about camila-”

“dream. please. i meant what i said earlier.” george held dream’s gaze, and after a couple seconds, dream’s expression finally slackened. 

ever since their argument on the car, dream had started to go out of his way to win george back, clearly remorseful. but the last thing george needed right now was dream’s pity. he hated looking at dream and seeing unspoken shame etched on his face for letting him down. he couldn’t deal with it, not on top of everything.

george looked at patches once more, who stared back with wide eyes. “yeah. let’s go out.”

\--

dream dragged george through the crowd until they reached the bar. in his clumsiness, he nearly knocked into the man beside him, but was able to swerve in the last second to avoid collision. he called over the bartender, lifting two of his fingers lazily. 

“what do you want to drink, george?”

george’s mind was already hazy from all the beers from earlier. if he had been more conscious, he wouldn’t have let dream drag him to a nightclub, but it was _so_ hard to say no to him. 

“i… don’t want anything.”

“come on, george. i heard you were quite the drinker in uni, were you not?”

george scoffed. “that was ages ago.” 

“let’s do shots.”

“absolutely not.”

but dream was already talking to the bartender, who recommended rum with a cheeky smile. 

“seriously?” george hadn’t gone to a bar in several months, and he honestly wasn’t that sure he could handle shots. his tolerance had never been particular high, even in uni. 

“how about a game, to make it fun? never have i ever?”

george sighed. “with two people?”

dream ignored george, clearly proud of himself for coming up with the idea. “i’m sure you know the rules: if you’ve done it, drink.”

“whatever.” george mumbled, knowing that the stubborn blonde wouldn’t listen if he said no anyway. he rested his chin in his hand, letting the nearly deafening music surround him while he stared at dream. 

dream had changed into a light blue button down before they left that night, and as soon as george saw him, he couldn’t stop thinking about how much dream reminded him of oliver. not that they looked similar- because they didn’t really- but there was something about the way they both seemed to carry themselves. it was the casual nonchalance, a breezy type of cool which veiled a self-satisfied shrewdness. so cocky, but not really. 

the bartender placed the glasses in front of them. 

dream stretched lazily. “why don’t you go first?”

_billowy blue shirt…_

“george, are you seriously that drunk already?”

george looked up irritably, forcing himself to focus. “i don’t know, dream. never have i ever… broken a bone.”

dream groaned. “you’re so boring,” he grumbled before downing the shot. he waited for george to move, and when he didn’t, his eyes widened. 

“wow, of course you haven’t. okay, my turn. never have i ever… cheated on someone.”

it was george’s turn to drink. actually, this topic had brought up a memory george didn’t exactly welcome, and he gladly brought the shot glass to his lips. 

he barely noticed dream watching him, mouth agape. _of course dream hasn’t. he’s a good person. he’s loyal._

“so, are you going to explain, or?”

george shrugged, trying not to react to the strong alcohol. “it was uni. a mistake.”

dream still didn’t respond, so george gave a small smirk. 

“don’t worry dream, i’d never cheat on you.”

george thought he saw dream color ever so slightly, and he felt a pang of excitement. 

“so, my turn?” he continued, studying the next shot glass and smiling wryly. “never have i ever pissed the bed.”

dream shook his head in disbelief, giving a look that screamed _seriously?_

his nimble fingers gripped another drink. “fuck” -he downed the glass- “you.”

“okay, i’ve got one,” dream said, almost instantly after. even in his state, george could tell that dream was out of it from the ways his words began to slur, his eyes began to glaze over. 

“never have i…” dream scrunched his nose, thinking. “never have i… been colorblind.”

“oh my fucking god,” george said, and they both broke out in hysterical laughter. dream doubled over, his wheeze-like laugh making george only laugh harder. it was not until they were both breathless and lightheaded did george finally settle down. 

god, seeing dream so happy made him feel on top of the world. 

george took the shot glass, almost spilling it over himself, and drank. he flinched as he felt the alcohol burn his throat. 

the next question that came to george’s mind was actually a surprise to himself, but he couldn’t be bothered to hold back. 

“never have i lied to my best friend about how fucking _rich_ i was.”

dream blinked, utterly confused. “hm?”

george’s conscience was telling him to reel it in, but the alcohol had clearly broken george’s filter. he felt tired of burying the pain. “the car, the house… you never mention anything to me.”

dream looked at george as if he was the most dense person in the world. “it shouldn’t matter.”

“i know, but…” -george struggled to gather his thoughts- “it’s almost like you don’t say anything about your real life to me.”

dream exhaled slowly. when he finally spoke again, his voice was thick. 

“you know, george, you’re one of the most important people in my life. the person i go to whenever i need break from all the shit in my life. i don’t have to think, or.. or worry when we’re talking. it’s not that i don’t want to talk about real life with you. it’s that, you’re better than it. with you, nothing in the real world, really- i don’t know- matters.” 

dream took a shaky breath. 

“it’s kind of the same thing with calling me clay and stuff. dream feels more right when i’m with you, because i like the person dream is. more than clay. it feels like _our_ thing. do you… do you get what i’m saying?”

_holy fucking shit._

george was at a loss of words. he wasn’t sure if dream had really called him better than life itself or if he was just too wasted. either way, it had triggered his sudden urge to say it all. to abandon everything from earlier and to come clean. 

dream didn’t really seem to expect an answer, though. he rested his head in his arms on the table, as if his speech had drained all of his energy. “i’m so tired,” he said softly. 

they stayed like that for a while. dream resting at the bar table, probably dozing off, and george’s mind racing at a thousand miles per hour. he didn’t know exactly what to say. 

he wanted to say that dream reminded him of oliver: the thought that had been on his mind all night.

_was it too much?_

_you can’t just call someone oliver and call it a confession._

_just fucking say something, george. do it before it’s too late._

but instead, he blurted: 

“dream… do you think…” 

george shook his head, feeling foolish but refusing to back out.

“is it better to speak or die?”

dream turned to look at george in surprise, his green eyes glassy and tired. he thought for several seconds, his head still in his hands. 

finally, he spoke, his smile wide but exhausted. 

“to speak, obviously.”

“but what if i- what if you can’t?”

dream thought for even longer this time, although he seemed to be falling asleep by the way his eyelids started to flutter shut. george’s head was thrumming, and he could feel his pulse in his ears. everything around him, except for dream, was muted.

“i think that’s okay too. you don’t always have to.”

george froze, unable to process his words. 

“what? why?”

but by the time george looked back up at him, dream had passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,  
> i’ve been under a dry spell with my writing ever since i finished the last chapter and practically unable to write whatsoever. i considered announcing a discontinuation for this fic but was weighed down by guilt so instead i just put it aside for the time being.  
> i’m still struggling a lot with writing and felt hella burnt out after this chapter but i’m going to attempt to continue this fic to the best of my ability. i haven't yet decided on any updating schedule.  
> not sure how many of you guys are gonna see this, but thanks for understanding anyway <3
> 
> as always ty for support !!1! xx

**Author's Note:**

> LEAVE FEEDBACK AND KUDOS IF YOU ENJOYED LOVE U MUAH  
> sub for updates !! <3


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